Bs1234 Jessica Simpson

I thought I would write a follow-up to my column, Move Over San Miguel de Allende Here I Come, since this is the only thing, writing, that prevents from committing murderous acts of rage (Just Joking!) As you recall from the previous column, I wrote how I tried to deposit a royalty check from my publisher and was told the check would clear on four different dates. We were shown, last week, on their computer screen that the funds would be available on the 18th of December.

Well, today is the 18th. We marched down to the bank and, of course, in the truest sense of TMO (Typical Mexican Operation) the funds were not available. We went into the bank so I could seize a bank officer and choke him (just kidding!). No, we talked to this guy who thought it cute to mumble at us. He actually told us something entirely new.

He said that the 18th did not really mean the 18th but it meant sometime after 6 p.m. on the 18th but before mid-night on the 18th andandmaybe even the 19th.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

This my dear readers is what we extreme anal sex-retentive Americans (and strung-tighter-than-piano wire Germans) have to deal with when we become expatriates living in Mexico. It would seem, and I could be wrong, that Mexican banks just make up stuff as they go along. There are no policy manuals, procedural steps, no rules, just the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants way of doing things.

Qu Ser, Ser: What ever will be, will be. The futures not ours to see. Qu Ser, Ser.

This is exactly how things are done in central Mxico. I have to tell you though, those from other regions of the country are as dumbfounded as I am. They tell me that this region of Mexico is stuck in time and history. They are provincial to the point of having been throw into a time loop and cannot escape the temporal hole theyve been in since the middle ages. Time forgot central Mexico and no one seems to really care to crawl out of this dimensional morass in which they are quagmired.

What are we going to do?

I do not know. But, we are looking to other areas of Mexico that may not be like living in a Latino Twilight Zone.

My fellow American expat said this:

That what Mexico needs is a Business Manager. These people need a Business Manager in everything that has to do with anything to show them how things work. This is because in all aspects of life, at least in Guanajuato, no one who does anything that has to do with something knows just how it is suppose to work.

She has no idea what truth she spoke!

Doug Bower is a freelance writer and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, The Philadelphia Inquirer, Associated Content, Transitions Abroad, International Living, Escape Artist, and The Front Porch Syndicate.

He is founder of Mexican Living Print & eBooks.

In every cat lover's life, there usually is one cat that stands out for being a real handful. We love all our cats just the same, but how do you tame the kitty with a larger-than-life-personality who is Dennis the Menace in feline form? Having a five-year old pile of highly active white fluff named Beau, I know all too well what it's like to live with a lively cat. He is the most dear, sweet and loving cat, but when he's bad, he's like a flaming cat-rocket blasting off into space! I've learned to co-exist well with my beautiful wild cat. He is my pride and joy, but I watch Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys constantly to make sure he's not getting into trouble. Sort of like my friend's two-year old toddler, that gets into everything. Beau loves to explore and can get Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toysself into trouble quickly if not attended to. Here's some ideas on how to make your home more wildcat-friendly.

Keep anything dangerous out of reach

The kitchen is full of danger for a cat who knows no boundaries and wants to get up on the counter. Food cooking on the stove, knives and cleaning products are just a few hazards to keep out of kitty's way. I bought a new oven, and Beau walked over to it (it wasn't on) and with a flick of the paw, opened its door and walked inside! I got out my trusty squirt bottle of water and sprayed Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys. He hasn't been near the oven since, but to make sure, I always look to see where he's at if I'm baking or cooking anything. And all my knives are in holders, instead of being left out even momentarily. It only takes a second for a cat to get into something, so it pays to be preventative, no matter what room of the house you're in.

Is kitty bored? Find Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys something to do

Cats are best trained by suggestion. A professional animal trainer once said this, and it's true. If your cat is focused on something he shouldn't be, walk across the room and show Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys a toy or give Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys catnip. Just distract his mind to think about something else. If that doesn't work, a squirt bottle filled with water always does the trick for me. Show Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys that you don't want Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys doing whatever he's doing but always do it with love. Water is harmless. And, it's been very effective at keeping Beau off of my stereo speakers, drip coffeemaker, shelves, and flower arrangements (he eats flowers if given the chance, whether they're real or not.) Never spank or yell at your cat, because these things really don't accomplish more than scaring Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys.

Give your cat lots of love

When Beau is getting over-feisty, I hold and brush Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys. He wiggles like crazy at first, but then he realizes that he's being brushed and mellows out. Next thing I know, he's a purring, amorphous blob of happiness in my lap. Skritch, brush, pet, and play with your cat to show Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys attention and love. He will appreciate it and afterwards, he may be worn out enough to go rest someplace. I play with Beau right before bedtime, to tire Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys out, so that he'll sleep through the night. Before doing this, he used to take lights out as the time to sing at the top of his lungs and rocket around the apartment in hyper-speed mode. Now, he curls up at my feet and goes to sleep when I do. Thank goodness.

If kitty picks on another cat, give Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys a time-out

When he's feeling really feisty, Beau will walk over to my 15-year old Blackie and whack Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys upside the head for no good reason. If I see this, I separate the two of them immediately. Don't let Mr.Engergy beat up on your other cats. When he's overly charged up and getting too destructive, put Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys in a closed off room where there's nothing to damage, or a cat carrier for ten minutes. When I've done this, Beau goes into "rest" mode and goes to sleep. Then, I open the door, and he's cool as a cucumber as he walks out, as if nothing ever happened.

Get kitty his own cat tree (kitty condo)

Cat trees are a great place for your active cat to keep Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toysself occupied. They can be bought fairly inexpensively on Ebay or directly from manufacturers who have websites online. Buying a cat tree at a pet store is another option, but from my experience, they are more costly that way. Get a tall one, then sprinkle it with catnip and show kitty his new furniture. It's amazing how fast cats catch on to using it. I sent my parents' cat a kitty condo, too, and he helped my dad assemble it. Plus, the cardboard box it came in was an added bonus (cats love cardboard boxes - the smaller, the better.) A cat tree satisfies your cat's need to scratch, gives Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys something to climb on, and a nice, high place to sleep if he wants.

Just like people, cats come in many personalities and activity levels. Love your cat no matter how much of a rascal he can be. Beau is my constant companion, and one of the most loving pets I've ever had the pleasure to own. I don't regret getting Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys for one minute, and have learned patience and resourcefulness as a result. His behavior has slowly mellowed in the two years I've known Sex Toys For Him - Male Sex Toys, and he's learned quite a bit from me, too. It just takes time, love...and maybe a few headache meds for me here and there. But, he's worth every bit of it in the end.

Carolyn McFann is a scientific and nature illustrator, who owns Two Purring Cats Design Studio, which can be seen at: http://www.cafepress.com/twopurringcats . Educated at the Rochester Institute of Technology in New York, Carolyn is a seasoned, well-traveled artist, writer and photographer. Besides handling numerous assignments in the US, she has lived and worked in Cancun, Mexico. Clients include nature parks, museums, scientists, corporations and private owners. She has been the subject of tv interviews, articles for newspapers and other popular media venues.