Bs1234 Jessica Simpson

Recently on a current affairs television program here in Melbourne there was a story exploring the concept of children not receiving 'traditional' school report cards and not being graded (marked) on their school work at all.

The key message of the program was that evaluating our kids and actually scoring them on their work and exams might set them up for some kind of long-term emotional pain or short-term social judgement and ridicule from their peers.

Apparently the traditional concept of report cards might do some kind of damage and it might be in our kid's interest to 'protect' them from any form of assessment or evaluation.

Clearly, turning up to school is enough.

What a great idea.
That way nobody will get upset.
Fantastic.

We wouldn't want children to compare report cards and we wouldn't want anyone to do 'better' or 'worse' than anyone else would we? Ideally, everyone will get about the same mark, no one will fail, no one will get upset, all the parents will be happy, no kids will have to deal with any pressure, no waves will be made and then we'll all go home and sing nice, warm, fuzzy songs around the fire and drink hot milk. Then we'll put our pyjamas on and dad will read amazing stories to us; ones where we are the heroes.

Give me a bucket.

What a great preparation for the realities of life beyond school this kind of learning environment would be. What are we teaching our kids when the message is that... not studying, not paying attention in class, not completing homework and not being a responsible, diligent student... has no real downside?

Back in the dark ages when I was at school my teachers employed this wacky notion of telling us whether or not our school work was great, good, bad or otherwise. They even gave us grades. And when my report cards were bad my folks got mad at me... not the teacher. Crazy, I know. Surprisingly I didn't die from this... or suffer any irreparable damage.

Sometimes kids even failed a subject. Interestingly, none of them died either (as a result of that failure). Some of them even went away, studied, worked harder, passed the next semester, developed some new skills and learned a lot from the experience!

Is it just me, or does is dawn on anybody else that the rampant over-protection of our kids (and not just in a school setting) doesn't really help them at all? It's not always an advantage but often, a significant disadvantage? I'm not a kid-ologist (made that up) but I do own a kid's gym and do observe lots of parents in action and it seems to me that some parents are so paranoid and over-protective that the very thing they don't want... they end up creating; kids who can't cope, can't adapt and don't fit in.

The world is a messy, lumpy, bumpy, unfair, nasty, unpredictable place. Perhaps we should let our kids experience a little pain, discomfort, adversity... life. One of the realities of life beyond school is that we are regularly (if not, constantly) evaluated, judged, criticised and given feedback. Some of it's positive, some negative, some of it's nice, some of it's nasty... it's just happens.

Try and find a job where you're never given feedback about your performance... good luck with that.

In life not everybody 'wins', not everybody has fun, not everybody has it easy and not everybody 'passes' everything.

Perhaps this would be a valuable lesson for our kids.

Sometimes we fail, fall down, get hurt, make mistakes... and dealing with these realities is how and when we do our real learning.

One day some of these 'protected' kids are going to get a rude awakening when they step out of their cushy, cosy, comfy, manufactured school experience... and step into the workplace.

I worry that by building these weird academic environments where 'everybody passes'... and nobody gets and 'F'... we prevent our kids from experiencing reality. We prevent our kids from developing the strength, skills, attitudes and coping mechanisms to be able to negotiate the realities of life.

We handicap them.

Yes, we mean well...but no, we're not helping in the long-term.

I also worry that neurotic, insecure parents are raising neurotic, insecure kids.

I personally know several women who have been so determined to 'protect' their daughters from the 'perils' of obesity (fat girls get picked on) that they have kindly passed on all of their own obsessive behaviours and attitudes around food to their girls. Mum was picked on for being Chubby Girl... so she'll do anything to protect her daughter from going through that same experience.

Including giving her an eating disorder.

Thanks Mum.

I know that the parents and teachers motives are (usually) good and honourable but perhaps we need to ask ourselves whether or not all this 'protection' is grooming our kids for success... or failure.

Waddya think?

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is an Australian motivational speaker, qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world.

He can be heard weekly on Australian Radio SEN 1116 and GOLD FM and appears on Australian television on Network Ten's 9AM.

Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper

One of the best ways to get a point across regardless of the communication situation, a sales call, a management meeting, a coaching session or anytime you are trying to influence or persuade someone is with a story, an illustration or an example. Lets talk about wild college stories for a few minutes.

You are trying to convince a prospect to purchase your products or services. First of all, lets correct the previous sentence. You are trying to convince them not to buy your products or services but to that when they invest in what you are offering that they will receive numerous benefits.

Why are wild college stories an excellent selling tool? Why do they improve the understanding in communication? Why dont more salespeople tell more wild college stories? How can you develop more wild college stories?

Why are wild college stories an excellent selling tool?

The most effective communicators over the past several thousand years were tremendous story tellers: Jesus, Will Rogers, Mark Twain, Ronald Reagan just to mention a few. Very few people are conceptual thinkers, actually research says its less than 2% of the population. A conceptual thinker is a person who can figure out what you are saying with a limited amount of words or examples. They can connect the dots without your help. That leaves the other 98% of the population who needs help getting your message. wild college stories, when told in a way that the other person can relate (using an example of a historical event that happened fifty years ago when the person you are telling it to wasnt even alive may not prove effective.)

wild college stories help non-conceptual thinkers relate to your points, message or presentation.

Why do they improve the understanding in communication?

Life is a perceptual experience. Everyone sees everything uniquely based on their mindsets perceptual interpretations. These mindsets are formed early in life and influence all of our attitudes, reactions, beliefs, expectations and anything else you can think of. wild college stories are an effective tool for ensuring that in any communication situation you and the other person or people are on the same page. They may not have had a similar experience as related in your story, but nonetheless they will more clearly see your point as a result of the story. Why dont more salespeople tell more wild college stories?

Most salespeople are either in too much of a hurry to make the sale and wild college stories take time to tell, dont know how to tell wild college stories that reinforce their message or dont have any wild college stories to tell. (They really do, they just tend not to see how the experiences they have had in the past with other clients or sales situations can be related in an interesting or thought-provoking story.)

How can you develop more wild college stories.

Everyday no matter what you are doing - your activities, outcomes, circumstances whatever give you tremendous material for story telling. The point to remember is that the story you tell should help the prospect picture themselves in the story and the outcome of the story is favorable to them relative to your product or service in some way.

Heres a short one as an example.

One of my email Tips subscribers a months ago, lets call her Jill, was struggling with a difficult career decision. She purchased my book Success is a Decision and the examples and illustrations in the book helped her get better clarity and focus in the decision process and the decision she had to make was now clear. She made it with passion, belief and ease once she had a better understanding of why she was having difficulty with the whole decision process.

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; Soft Sell, Thats Life, Peace Of Mind, 81 Challenges Managers Face and Your First Year In Sales. He is also the CEO of ProfessionalSales Association Of America. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his websites at http://www.timconnor.com or http://www.ProfessionalSalesAssociationOfAmerica.com